Fathers

[make.me.smile]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2008/apr/23/children

There's an exhibition of photographs on at the moment. They're taken by children and are based on the subject of fathers. Some of them are what we used to expect, happy, careless and protected. Others seem more lost, wondering why things didn't work out etc. Do you think we need to concentrate on father's relationships with their kids or do you have any personal experiences you'd like to share? Please, go ahead.

[Cowgirl36]

I think if the Father is around, and no harm to the child and if the child wants to know them, then it can't be nothing but positive but I don't think it's the need all and end all. I think a Mother, Auntie, Uncle, Brother, Sister etc. can do the same job as a Father.

I personally don't have my real Father around which I'm very happy with. I have a step-dad but we don't get on much, so I really look up to my big brother. He's always been there for me and I hope he always will, it's not the same as a Father-child relationship, but he's had a big influence on my life.

You could say the same about absent Mothers though couldn't you, it's not just the Fathers missing from family set-ups

[soph41190]

I think the father role has filtered out. So many still seem to portray the 'masculine bread-winner role', which just isn't needed these days. Being an 'elder' no longer earns respect. We grow up in a cynical age where we are aware much more of the faults of our parents than our parents were of their parents as children. I often feel 'put-up-with' by my father, he never did any parenty things, like my mum did/does. He only gets involved when he feels his pride is a matter, like my uni choices, I suggest one and he grunts, says no he's not paying for it etc...I mention Oxford and all of a sudden he's rung up the head of staff and is organising visits....he seems to think I won't get anywhere in life without using his 'contacts' "go to cambridge, I went there and they always have relatives in!" I can get into university far away from the shadow of my father. It's all very middle class, his perception of parenting is the same as that of the victorian age. That's my experience.

[mo .R.]

i love my dad he's like my best mate! we dont talk alot but we dont have too!
he asks how my days been, gives me hugs and kisses, supports me when i need supporting, makes my laugh and wipes my tears away when im crying, he's my rock, my world and my daddy!!
i cannot imagine a world without him and wouldnt want to! i love him to peices!
my dad has been through thick and thin he's the most loving person in the world! i need him, my sister needs him and my mum speacially needs him!
when my mums been ill in hospitals for months at a time its my dad who's been there, who's been strong and loving towards me.
he was the one who told me when my grandad died, he's the one who i came crying to when i started my period thats was funny he started 'the talk' lmao!!!
he's been there alot and i think a father figure is important but i guess in a way am biased!
as long as you have both genders in your life i think you'll be ok! as long as you have the father or mother figure you'll be fine but they are very important! its fundemental in child develpment to have a parental figure! i mean look at bowlby and the 44 thieves, those who had emotionaless characters and thieved where seperated from a parental figure at a young age but this isnt the case for everyone but it does show for some/ most people its improtant to have those parental figures in you life so your balanced and want for nothing! :)

[soph41190]

I guess its different in every case. For me, whenever I've had a problem my dad couldn't get away faster, it being a 'woman' thing for 'mothers'. Hahaha. He asked me why I didn't talk to him more about my boyfriend, so I told him, and he told me off for spending train fares going to see him.....I said this was why I didn't tell him. Plus the guy says he's done things and hasn't, paid school fees, bought my mum a birthday present, he tells lies that affect lives not just days, I nearly got kicked out of school because he told me he'd paid the fees. He hadn't. I just wished we would tell the family the truth but there you go. I have such a great family otherwise, a great bunch of friends, a fantastic school, I'm an independant and self-determined person and never really felt the 'need' for dad's approval or anything. I guess maybe I'm more cynical about fellas, but hey, I'm not like something out of a hollywood film, 'I wish..weep...he would respect me!' haah.

[mo .R.]

I guess its different in every case. For me, whenever I've had a problem my dad couldn't get away faster, it being a 'woman' thing for 'mothers'. Hahaha. He asked me why I didn't talk to him more about my boyfriend, so I told him, and he told me off for spending train fares going to see him.....I said this was why I didn't tell him. Plus the guy says he's done things and hasn't, paid school fees, bought my mum a birthday present, he tells lies that affect lives not just days, I nearly got kicked out of school because he told me he'd paid the fees. He hadn't. I just wished we would tell the family the truth but there you go. I have such a great family otherwise, a great bunch of friends, a fantastic school, I'm an independant and self-determined person and never really felt the 'need' for dad's approval or anything. I guess maybe I'm more cynical about fellas, but hey, I'm not like something out of a hollywood film, 'I wish..weep...he would respect me!' haah.

we'll as long as you got some one there for you and you happy it doesnt matter!
as they say family and friends are important and as long as you got these your rich lol you have happiness and all the rest, its different for everyone not everyone needs a dad and not everyone needs a mum not everyone needs both lol
i guess as long as you got someone it doesnt really matter!
im cynical about men too lmao! i love my dad to bits but i relise not all men can be as fab as my dad! i guess it all comes down to experience! :D

[Liam Hannan]

From a male perspective I can say I feel our role is being played down in terms of child rearing.

I am one of those guys who likes to be "hands on" when it comes to parent-y things; and I tend to have a good rap with kids whenever I've had to mind them.

Problem is, that's not the image you see anymore. We're now aiming things at a single mother, or a mum and stepdad situation because we're shifting away from the traditional "nuclear family".

Problem being that as we portray them less, we will probably shift further, cause us guys just feel left out of the loop right now.

[soph41190]

But the sad thing is there was never a stereotype of a 'hands on father'. There was the 50's thing...the big man goes and works then plays with the kiddies before having fag and going to bed. Now comes the single mum thing. The whole image of 'Dad' changing nappies never really existed.

[make.me.smile]

Does in Sweden - there it's usuallythe woman that goes out and works and the dad stays home with the kids. Don't agree with that either though, seeing as I think it should be balanced as in both work and both take care of the kids.

[magicman92]

As my Dad served in the Army, he was sent out to Bosnia in 1996 (when I was 3) and he was on a 7 month tour. I literally forgot who my father was. When in nursery I was asked to draw my family, I only drew my Mum and me. I was then forced to draw this 'Dad' person whom I didn't know existed. That drawing is still up in my parents' room to this day. I think it is extremely important to have some sort of Father figure and I think that story proves why...

[make.me.smile]

Wow that is actually very heartwarming, and shows exactly what I mean that the father figure is important, but also that it is being forced upon people. My mum was critisized by many people when I was small, because I never called anyone dad, I called both my father and my stepdad by their first name.

[Samantha Stainforth]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2008/apr/23/children

There's an exhibition of photographs on at the moment. They're taken by children and are based on the subject of fathers. Some of them are what we used to expect, happy, careless and protected. Others seem more lost, wondering why things didn't work out etc. Do you think we need to concentrate on father's relationships with their kids or do you have any
personal experiences you'd like to share? Please, go ahead.

People don't need to dwell on the fact they haven't got fathers.
My father left me and I felt lost. It just spurs you on more to acheive the best. Parents or no parents, you can always do well in life.

Sam
xxx

[make.me.smile]

I agree 100%, but not everyone does. And I do see that a father figure is still important and that there are people out there who suffer from being "left behind". Though I do hate this idea of being a "victim"...

[Samantha Stainforth]

I agree 100%, but not everyone does. And I do see that a father figure is still important and that there are people out there who suffer from being "left behind". Though I do hate this idea of being a "victim"...

Same here, A father figure is obviously important. Statistics say so.
I do not see myself as a "victim" and don't like the idea of that

Sam
xxx